My Choice: and the Story of the Elephant.

Before I begin telling the story of my own choice, one that is deeply personal, I want to make sure that my readers know that I respect the decisions of all men and women who have also had to make a "choice." It is not an easy decision. When one considers the act of abortion you ultimately fall on one side of the argument.
I am Pro Choice. I have always said and I quote, "I don't know what I would do unless I was in that situation." I liked knowing I had a choice, but when making that decision I believe it all comes down to knowing yourself and what you can and cannot put yourself through.

In no way am I posting this to defend the Pro Choice stance against its counterpart, or vice-versa... The purpose of this post is to share how I arrived at my decision to move to Colorado, be with Tom and start a family. MY CHOICE.

Looking at a pregnancy test and realizing you are indeed pregnant (when not expecting it) was nothing like I had imagined. In my mind I had invisioned instant boo-hooing and gobs of tears (that came later). My experience was much different. Maybe it was shock, but I remember having a clear focus - what am I going to do? What are my choices? I was alone in my house contemplating my future. And then 15 minutes later I knew what I was going to do - yeah. right. This was something that deserved much thought. A life was growing inside of me. I spent what I think was about two weeks going over the scenarios and reasons to support either decision. I came to realize that previous experiences in my life ranging in significance had a lot to do with my decision. It became blaringly obvious what I had to do.

Here were my thoughts:

1. This pregnancy was the result of my decisions. Do I penalize the life of another to continue living an uninterrupted life of my own? Ultimately, for me, no.

2. Tom and I were developing a relationship that I was head over heels about... everywhere I turned there seemed to be signs pointing me to Tom. Our lives just seemed to fit together in a way I had never experienced and either it was one huge coincidence or God played a role in bringing us together. I believed the later of the two. Before I read the pregnancy test, I prayed the results be God's will. So, when it came back positive... I felt how could I turn away from what, up to this point, I believed was the work of God? I couldn't.

3. In high school my 3 best friends and I were in a horrific four wheeling accident. I was driving a four wheeler with my friend Sarah riding on the back, Emily and Callie on another. We went over a hill too fast - Sarah fell off and was knocked unconscious, blood coming out of her nose and mouth. She was left with a 5% chance to live. Telling this story brings tears to my eyes. I was looking at being responsible for an accident that caused the death of my best friend. As long as there was hope - I held it. I held on to that 5% with all of my being and experienced to date the strongest amount of faith I have ever had... that everything would be okay! And it was... she lived, graduated from high school, Clemson University and is now attending PT school in St. Augestine, FL. Everyday I am thankful for God's grace and healing hand. I honestly don't know where I would be today if things had turned out differently. Thankful for the life Sarah had been granted... and I had been granted... the life of this child, I will also be the most thankful for! ...Not to mention she was concieved on Labor Day weekend... the same weekend the accident took place on 8 years ago.

4. If you know me, you know I love the artsy! When my friends and I had time in high school art class we would devour the National Geographic magazines for clippings. I came upon an article about ELEPHANTS! ...and how they were being illegally poached for their ivory tusks. The article was so sad, but what really had an effect on me was a picture of a tiny baby elephant that never had the chance to live... its momma was hunted and killed for her tusks. The picture showed the flesh of the momma cut open revealing the most perfectly formed baby elephant you have ever seen. I must have studied that picture for a while because the image remains vivid in my mind... and to this day I still know exactly where that clipping is tucked inside of my photography notebook. Elephants are the largest land animals on the planet, weighing about 230 lbs when they are born! It was fascinating to me how small and perfect this little one was. A reminder to me now how perfect and whole my baby was during many of the weeks abortion is legal. Another reason for my choice. This is why I want to incorporate elephants in our little girl's nursery :)

pinky the elephant came in the mail along with some other items from my great friend lauren wagoner!

my sister megan and brother-in-law gary sent us so many baby goodies! one of my faves the elephant hoodie!

before i left north carolina, i bought myself this elephant charm for my pandora bracelet :)

BUT STILL!!!

What about all the unkown. What about all of the risks and ALL I would be leaving behind..... So many are able to have this procedure done and move on with the life they have planned, uninterrupted. That option is so tempting, but after a lot of thought... I just knew MYSELF... and knew I couldn't. I am putting my faith in God's plan for my life and seeing it through. It is with this faith and the love of my family and friends that I can make the leap into the unknown.. and motherhood.

In all actuality... it was being with my family one sunny October Clemson football weekend... (Meg's 25th birthday!) that gave me the definite answer to the choice I had to make. I didn't ask for their advise. Simply being with them was all I needed to know to make my decision. Family is so wonderful!! The following is a poem that I wrote, in preparation for the weekend, just incase I made up my mind and announced it to the family...

I know this comes as a shock

To you, as well as me.

This wasn't in my plan,

In my future I did not see.

I pictured a plan more perfect

Made by my design.

But now I find my plan must be resigned.

For what can be more perfect than a plan such as His?

However, I know

This won't be a wiz...

I need you to jump on board.

I need you to be strong.

For what I'm about to tell you

Will last our whole life long.

You see, I'm pregnant,

Tom and me.

And I've contemplated adding

To our family tree...

Adding by two

I know this family has enough love

To see us all through.

I know you must be troubled sick

Over what is to come,

But in 9 months there will be joy

And gladness and fun.

Have faith in Tom, have faith in me.

For we are trying, you will see.

It's time for me to let go

That is a must.

And believe in God's plan...

One I can trust.

To all those who have made their own choice.

~LOVE~

C.

Location:Teocalli Rd,Crested Butte,United States

Photo Shoot..

{ amanda, at the end of the shoot }

When my sister, Megan, asked me to take her bridal portraits I was sooo excited! I love taking pictures. Who doesn't? I always find myself framing my surroundings, just so. If I had an invisible cloak ~ I would take pictures all the time. I refrain from doing so, as to not look like a camera crazed weirdo. But, as we got closer to the day of the shoot, I scouted out locations like it was my job. (and it was)... but so much fun. Picture bubbles floated above my head for days.

The day arrived. I was nervous, an unexpected feeling. Amanda, my other sister, and I were riding along in the Jeep when that nervous feeling first occurred to me. We were on our way to 701 Whaley, the venue for Meg's wedding reception, and location of the first half of the shoot. Mom, Meg, Me and Amanda walked in, zipped Meg up in her dress (!!) and it began. I took the first 5 pictures - and that is when I realized - I. am. taking. my. sisters. bridal. portraits. These would be some of the most important pictures of my sister's life. I instantly felt foolish for thinking I was skilled enough to do the job. That fear, became a challenge - and I liked it. The most difficult thing about 701 Whaley was that it was Megan, hardwood floors, big windows and some walls. And everything was near the same color. Light and bright and fresh. Beautiful, but difficult!! I started taking pictures and not even looking at them, just clicking away... by the end of it all I had bruised up knees and a sweaty forehead. It was work, but I knew we had some great ones! For 2 hours I looked through a lens of a camera and saw only Megan. She was beautiful.

The second half of the photo shoot was my favorite. The locations I scouted and the picture bubbles coming to life. We live out on the end of a very long and quite rural road: Amicks Ferry. Though it is long, we love it. One house in particular has always been our favorite. Earlier in the week I went and spoke with the owner about coming to his property and taking pictures. He met me with such enthusiasm and shared some of his stories of growing up as a young boy on the very land we stood on... when the road, wasn't a road at all. When we got there, he had spruced it all up for us. :) Mom, Megan, Amanda and I popped a bottle of champagne, put some cowboy boots on and had a hay of a time moving from spot to spot. I have to say Mom and Amanda made the best photography crew ever. Laying down sheets and getting everything just right. We got some great shots!! But after a poof of pollen dropped right on the front of Meg's dress, I knew my minutes were being counted. The rule for the day: What Megan says, goes. So I got all the shots I could in the time I had. I could've gone on for hours.

The last shots I took that day were at a place that I really wanted to take Megan, but she was done. And that was fair. So, I took Amanda there instead. Since I can't put the pictures up of Megan yet, I thought I'd share these last few frames of the day. Can't wait to share more!!

enjoy!

{ i love this truck. }

{ and a fun prop }

Come back after 06.25.2010.

and I'll share with you, sister Megan.

- Christina